Goodbye Pop
Posted: Sunday, June 19, 2011
by Dan Bimrose
Liberal Fix
I wrote this article a couple years ago after my father passed. I thought I would share it with you today.
On June 3rd my father passed away. In the weeks leading up to his passing the whole concept of losing my father seemed too huge to wrap my head around. So many emotions and so many things to think about.
My father was one of many victims of cancer. In retrospect knowing that I was losing him was just as bad as losing him. I knew he was suffering both physically and mentally. What one must think about when they know for a fact that the end is near.
My father taught me many things. I think the first life-lesson that I can remember I learned when I was six. He taught me the proper way to shake hands. In case you were wondering you use a firm grip, look them in the eye and say "It's nice to meet you." I was to use this when attending a furniture convention in Dallas, Texas.
He also taught me the importance of faith. It was subtle however and not mandated. His methods included honking the horn in the garage at 10:15 on Sunday morning because he was ready and none of his children were. I learned the importance of faith when we would go out of town for the weekend and the first thing we would often do was find a church where we would attend Mass on Sunday. Finally I think one of the fondest memories I have occurred during the blizzard of '78. There was a break in between snows on Sunday and although cold and a little windy my father wanted to attend Mass. The only problem was that the only thing on the road that was moving was the tanks from the local armory that were being used to tend to emergencies. My father called Father Tom and asked him if he would be having service that Sunday. He explained to my father that he was required to give a Mass whether anyone was in attendance or not. So my father, mother, and myself hiked the two - three miles so that we could be the only three people in attendance. Father Tom had us sit up on the altar and we performed the service. What an amazing memory.
Over the years my faith has waned and in fact been non-existent. It returned only through the persistence of my wife and also I believe because of the foundations of faith that my parents provided me with.
I inherited from my father a love for writing, an interest in politics, a love for the news and an obsession with Notre Dame football.
My father led the life of most people that are of an entrepreneurial bent. He had success's and failures. He would definitely think outside of the box. He would have never accepted or been content with a 9 to 5 job. He never had one. He was a dreamer. But unlike some dreamer's, he was a doer. Many of his idea's he attempted to make real. Some he did. He has owned successful furniture stores and he designed and built the first indoor fast food restaurant (no that is not a tall tale). He never stopped trying and he never stopped dreaming.
This characteristic I also inherited. I have often thought of it as a curse. My life has mirrored his in some ways. I have had my share of ups and downs. More downs than ups to be honest with you at this point in my life. And even though I get discouraged and tell myself I am going to just be content with working a real job eventually I start dreaming again. I start writing and producing manuscripts. I think of other alternative ways to produce income. But as I get older I also get wiser and realize I better keep that damn job until long after I feel comfortable and can prove that I can support myself.
I am so glad that I believe that anything is possible and that I can obtain anything I want. Without that belief I could never achieve the things I dream about.
As a parent he also had success's and failures. One wonderful thing is that now he is gone they are all good memories. The failures do not matter anymore. Dwelling on them would be a waste of my time and energy. All parents make mistakes. Perhaps we should learn from them. I pray to God my children learn from my mistakes. I will accept the good parts of who I am and give credit to my parents or myself but I will never blame my bad qualities on my parents. If I am intelligent enough to make a connection between my behavior and my parents I am also capable of changing that behavior. It is always easier to blame your parents than to take responsibility for your own behavior. Bottom line - There are only GOOD memories left.
My father was big on catch phrases. The one that has started to make more and more sense to me in recent years is this, "If you are not going forward you are going backwards."
Maintaining your life is sometimes a difficult task. Being content sometimes is a welcome relief when you have been striving towards a goal. This stagnancy however does nothing to advance your spirit, your soul or your life. Moving forward even if with the too often used term "baby steps" is better than sitting still.
I will go forward from this time in my life with a heavy heart but with a determination to learn from the past.
I do miss my Dad. I do not like the fact that I can never or will never talk to him again.
I assure you that at every big event in my life that he will be there, in my thoughts and in spirit. That includes his grandchildren's graduations, weddings, and at the birth of their children. When Notre Dame scores a come from behind game winning touchdown he will be the first one I think of.
When we were traveling through the Smoky Mountains on the way home from the funeral I experienced a very special moment with my family. My wife was looking up ahead at the mountains that seemed like a silhouette as they were covered in a haze. "That is cool." She said, "They don't even look real."
I replied, "That is why they are called the Smokies. They often look like they are covered in smoke." "Really? I never knew that." We sat there a few moments and my wife picked up on the fact that I was getting emotional. I don't know, it could have been the tears streaming down my face that gave it away. "What is wrong? What is it?" She asked After a few moments and after I regained my composure I told her, "Many, many years ago when I was a kid riding through these mountains on a trip to Atlanta for a furniture market, or perhaps to Florida on vacation, my father taught me that.
I know I will have many memories like this in the future. Eventually I am sure they will not bring on the same emotion that I experienced that day. The thing is that right at that moment I remembered vividly a simpler time in my life. A time when my life was filled with things like Little League games, school dances, and traveling with my parents. There were new discoveries daily and it would be years before I received my first bill in the mail. It will never be that way again for me but I must remember it is that way right now for my children.
After I told her this my wife rubbed the back of my neck and wiped away a tear. "Maybe you should take this opportunity to teach your boys what your father taught you."
She was right of course and I did. They did not know the significance at that moment of what this meant to me. I am certain that one day in the future they will.
Goodbye Pop. I love you and I miss you.
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)The urge to post this article, now, years after his death, convinces me that he is still around you, in spirit, and this, in itself, is a most powerful spiritual message, on many levels.Affection,PaulPlease log in to respond to this comment.
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